Missing children – what to tell your children before the unthinkable happens

Over the weekend one of the forums I frequent is abuzz with the news of a missing 10 year old girl. It is the best friend of the daughter of one of the regulars. Each day I log on, hoping to read that the child has been found safe.

It got me to thinking of something that I may have posted before, yet it needs to be posted again.

As parents, we typically tell our kids to be wary of strangers, not go get into someone’s car and some families even come up with a safe word or code word, to let a child know the stranger is there on the parent’s behalf.

Over the years we’ve heard stories of children who were abducted and with their abductors for a long period of time. During the captivation, the children often had opportunities to escape, and many of us wonder….why didn’t the escape? These children often explain that their captors convinced them their parents had given them away, or no longer wanted them.

As parents, we wonder, how could that happen? How could a child NOT know their parent had not given them away, especially when that parent has openly expressed love for that child?

Well, I believe the answer is that as parents, while we may tell our children we love them, and that they need to be wary of strangers, we rarely tell them expressly “there are bad people out there, and they lie to children, and tell them their parents no longer want them, or have given them away ----- I will love you forever, and under no circumstance would I ever give you away. If anyone ever tells you that, it is a lie. Remember, it is a lie. I would look for you forever.”

I believe, this is something we need to tell our children.

Age is Relative

Yesterday was our anniversary - 33 years. That, combined with the *age* comment I mentioned in yesterday's post, got me to thinking about the relativity of age.

Our son called yesterday, wishing us a happy anniversary. I mentioned to him I couldn't believe we had been married 33 years. His reply was something like "Well I can, after all, I will be 30 this summer."

Thirty....which got me to thinking that I wasn't much older that him (by six years) when we moved back to Havasu, and left Wrightwood. To me, that move always seems like it was yesterday.

Which means of course, just yesterday...I was about the same age as our oldest son.

If a person is a grandmother....does that mean they are less sharp?

Today I read an online advertisement for a program to teach people how to blog and make money. One of their big pitches was that the program was so easy...that a fifty year old grandmother was able to do it!

What?!?!?!?!

Now, I am not a grandmother yet, but I am 54. I thought 50 was the new 30? Or do we just get suddenly old and somewhat hapless when we have grandchildren?

Being a mom

I do some writing over at eHow, and frequent their forums. I've noticed a lot of the writers' handles have "mom" as part of their online name. From what I gather, many of these mom-handles are writers who have young children at home.

I remember when my kids were little, being a mom was definitely the focus of my life. They were the focus of my life. And at the time, it seemed as if that would always be the case.

It's interesting how each new generation of moms seems to think they're some how unique...no other generation could love their children as much...no other generation of moms had quite the right answers as the current one.....Of course, that could just be my perception (or mis-perception).

In any case, there is no *mom* in my writer's handle. For when your children reach a certain age, and you've done your best to raise them, they need to be released to the world....to live their own lives.

Oh, I am still their mom...and I still love them as when they were small (probably more) but they can no longer be the focus of my life. If they were, that would be as bad for them, as it would be for me.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day came and went this year without any fanfare. We had our puppy spayed a few days before and keeping her outa mischief and in her cone head kept us pretty busy - so no special dinners for the moms (my mom & mother-in-law).

Our son is a manager at Outback in Portland, so his day was pretty busy, but I did get a call from him late that night, and our daughter called in the morning.

But hubby did try to make a special breakfast for Mom and I...and it proved to be a bit of a frustration. He went out to buy the groceries, and the credit card machine at the store refused to take his debit card. We heard later the store had been having an issue with many customers. So he ended up going to another store, where the card did work...but this was on the other side of town.

By the time he got home he was grumbling, but breakfast was good.

Maybe there was not a lot of fanfare this year, but I was happy to know my children were happy and healthy....and for a mom, that is a necessary ingredient for a happy Mother's Day.

Being totally smug...and taking credit

The other day I was thinking about my grown kids....who are not really kids. Scott will be 30 this summer, and Elizabeth will be 27. My adult kids.

Both were married last summer, and I really like my son and daughter in law. For this moment in time, all four are happy, and doing wonderful. One can never be too smug, for things can change in a heartbeat.

But for now I am relishing in the fact our kids are great.....and are great people.

I called my daughter up today and announced that *I* was a terrific mom...and my husband was a terrific *dad*. The reason? We have two terrific kids.

My husband was in the car with me while I made this crazy phone call, and he laughed and said a good part of it was luck.

NO! I told him if parents have to be blamed when their kids do bad stuff, I sure as heck plan to take the credit for when they are doing wonderful.

For this moment in time...I am a WONDERFUL parent.

Of course...my daughter now thinks I am a tad daff.

Time is Relative

This morning I took my mother to the doctor's. As I waited for her, a young couple with a small child sat in front of me. The boy had a bottle, yet he looked a bit old for a bottle. Next to me another lady sat down with a small boy and girl. They looked as if they were in early elementary school.

The youngest child was cuddling with his father, and the two were smiling at each other lovingly. In that moment I wanted to tell them to relish this time, as it is over so quickly.

Next to me the little girl climbed in her mother's lap, and I remembered how my kids were constantly climbing on my lap. My mother-in-law used to comment that she never saw two children who sat on laps as frequently as mine.

My oldest with be thirty this summer. 30! And my little girl, is three years behind him.

It really does seem like such a short time ago.

The little boy and girl next to me were looking at pictures on the wall. They were of sports teams the doctor had sponsored. Each had a date, and the mother was pointing out one to the children, noting that it predated their birth.

For them, that was soooooo long ago. The year 2000.

Time is relative.